Firo Price and Pizza: What's Actually Going On?

Alright, let's get one thing straight: the crypto world is drowning in hype. Every other week, some new coin is "revolutionizing" something, and people are throwing their rent money at it. So, forgive me if I'm not exactly thrilled about Firo's latest "surge."

The Privacy Coin Mirage

Firo, or whatever they're calling themselves this week (they used to be Zcoin, remember?), is apparently riding the privacy coin wave. Fine. Privacy is good. But let's be real, how many people actually care about privacy when they're buying crypto? Most are just chasing the next get-rich-quick scheme. And that's the truth.

They were the first to deploy Zero-Knowledge (ZK) proofs, blah, blah, blah. Okay, they were early. So was Netscape. Doesn't mean they're relevant now. Someone compared buying FIRO at $5.3 to buying ZEC at $5.3. Seriously? That's your analysis? Comparing one volatile asset to another? Give me a break.

This "Spark Assets" thing they launched—privacy-first tokens, stablecoins, NFTs, all sharing one anonymity pool—sounds complicated. And complicated usually means… exploitable. I'm just saying.

Also, this whole hard fork thing coming up? Supposedly, it's going to let you transfer "Spark names" – digital domains within the Firo ecosystem. Okay, so now we're talking crypto real estate? Seriously? What is this, Second Life for libertarians?

Follow the Money (If You Can)

The "analysts" are pointing to volume-based indicators, saying big wallets are "quietly accumulating." Oh, really? How do they know? Because some line went up on a chart? That's not analysis; that's astrology for nerds. The Chaikin Money Flow (CMF) is "rising through the consolidation," supposedly indicating that big wallets were quietly accumulating during the dip. But what if those "big wallets" are just a couple of guys in their parents' basement with too much time and a botnet?

And get this: apparently the top 10 richest wallets control almost 40% of the total supply. Forty percent! That's not decentralized; that's a plutocracy with extra steps. What happens when those guys decide to cash out? You're left holding the bag, that's what.

Speaking of bags, my internet keeps buffering and it's driving me insane. I pay way too much for this garbage service. It's highway robbery, I tell you! These companies have a stranglehold on the entire country.

The $10 Question (Literally)

So, can FIRO hit $10? Maybe. Can a dog learn to play the piano? Sure, anything's possible. But is it likely? No. This whole thing hinges on "broader market conditions remaining supportive." Which, let's face it, is about as reliable as a politician's promise.

They're saying the technical target is near $8.49, based on some "pole projection" from a flag pattern. Flag pattern? Pole projection? Sounds like something you'd find in a fortune cookie. FIRO Price Rally Extends — Is the $10 Zone Next?

Oh, and there's resistance at $6.01 and $8.18. Of course there is. There's always resistance. That's how charts work. The important question is: who cares?

But wait, are we really supposed to believe that these analysts can predict the future based on squiggly lines on a screen? It's absurd. Utterly absurd. And yet, people eat it up. They expect us to believe this nonsense, and honestly...

This Ain't a Revolution, It's a Casino